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Monday, October 11, 2010

seasons


Wow! It's been months since I last posted...who knows if anyone is actually still reading. Does is really matter? I started this blog to keep my family in Colorado connected with us while we resided in Florida. Just over two whirlwind months ago we finally had the chance to relocate to Denver. I am ecstatic....exhausted, overwhelmed, emotional....and yet ecstatic.
This has been and still is a very trying season for me personally. Painful, joyful, exciting, gut wrenching...faith altering. Honestly, I find myself spending most of my time hiding in denial...afraid to let myself go into that deep place within that really sees and feels the rawness of my experiences. Feeling most times as if I enter that place I will come completely undone. Deep down I know I need to come undone...to be remade, refined by this experience...but for now I must function...so I keep myself flitting above the surface...doing laundry, making lunches, picking up dog poo, trying to keep food on the table with growing boys...you know...daily living stuff.
Soon...soon...I'll be able to find a safe place to finally let myself be with my deepest core...but for now...I'll observe the change of seasons from a safe distance. It's beautiful here....

1 comment:

Patrina's Pencil said...

Joelle, this was very moving. I identify with a lot of what you've expressed. I've learned that denial is not a 'safe' place. Functioning is always good...but denial will make you come 'undone' too.

I just want you to know that I'm praying for you tonight. God is bigger than your fears. Hope is bigger than your denial. May you be encouraged by these scriptures:

Job 11:18 You will have courage because you will have hope. You will be protected and will rest in safety.

Job 14:7 "If a tree is cut down, there is hope that it will sprout again and grow new branches.

Psa 25:5 Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

Psa 31:24 So be strong and take courage, all you who put your hope in the LORD!

Psa 33:22 Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone.

May the Shalom of Heaven fill your empty places and give you HOPE for a new day.

Ecc 3:1 There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.

Ecc 8:6 Yes, there is a time and a way for everything, even as people's troubles lie heavily upon them.

God be with you in this season

Patrina <")>><
warrior bride in boots