Tuesday, July 28, 2009

growing pains

I can't seem to find my emotional footing since returning from our annual summer trip to Colorado. It was an awesome trip. We had such fun just "hanging out" with family and seeing a few friends. Mountain trips, afternoons at the pool, fun baby kittens at Mama J and Pappa J's house, playing with cousins, meeting our newest cousin...just being.
Perhaps it was that the trip was far too short. I simply didn't have enough time to fully relax. I'm now a "part-time working outside the home" woman so my footloose and fancy free schedule is somewhat impaired by a job. This tended to make me a bit grumpy.
Or maybe it is the enormous "To Do" list that from my viewpoint seems as if it will never grow smaller. Try as I may the laundry basket just never stays empty for more than a nanosecond. Today, under serious threats of taking Legos and Star Wars characters hostage, was I finally able to see the floor of the boys room. (I think I'll go in there before I hit the hay and gaze lovingly at it's emptiness!)
Maybe it's a subconscious struggle with the fact that my "baby" is now starting Kindergarten in three weeks. I just know he's going to start off running and never look back. I musn't forget to add to that subconscious struggle the fact that my oldest is growing by leaps and bounds daily. He's going to be eye to eye with me far before the projected 10 year old target. (By the way, does anyone have Shaq's contact info? I'm going to need some serious shoe hand-me-downs in size "gargantuane" by the time middle school hits.)
I do know that my senses have been numbed by the fact that I am currently serving as a round-the-clock short order cook to my boys; who, since returning from our trip are hungry every 10 minutes. I now realize that shopping at Sam's club regularly is quickly becoming a realization.
Things are changing, shifting, growing. Not only are the boys growing and changing, physically, emotionally...but I suppose I am as well. Or at least I should be.
Perhaps that's it... I've got growing pains. Not necessarily physically (although spending all my waking hours in the kitchen trying to keep my children fed will wear me out!) but rather emotionally, spiritually. As my family grows and changes the things that they need and require from me change...ebb and flow. I suppose I just wanted to sit for awhile and veg...I just seemed to get some of this mothering thing figured out...or so I thought.
It's time for some evaluation, reflection and quite a few new recipes for bulk cooking. Digging deep to find the course that will take us through this next leg of our family journey.
Well, I'd better go locate my map, compass and binnoculars...oh and of course pack some snacks...the boys will more than likely be hungry!