So what to blog about? Not the crazies...no...too crazy!? No...tonite I had another sweet interlude with one of my boys that really makes the crazies a distant memory.
It's been busy and I can tell that the insanity of things has begun to take its toll on the boys. They're wild, unfocused, grumpy...over it basically. So after we managed to wrestle them into bed I had a brief moment with both.
Tonight I had the opportunity to share with J about the last home my parents owned prior to their "retirement" condo. This was the home my brother, sister and I grew up in from elementary through college and my sister, marriage. It was a great house. Full of incredible memories and as I started to tell J story after story about the house I began to feel an ache for the past. The waterfall and pond my dad built that we would hang out around in the cool of the summer evenings. The porch with the glider swing, where you could take a nap during an afternoon rainshower. The view...wow...the view of the complete Colorado mountian range. The hill on the side of the house where we used to sled...cool! I miss that house.
But it's not just the house I miss. I realize that I miss the home. These days I sense myself full of dissatisfaction over what my house doesn't have in size, shape, texture...whatever. Then I remember that old house had many a foible but as a child..I don't remember any of it. I simply remember how being there made me feel....safe, loved, warm...home. That doesn't have anything to do with location, texture, size and shape....it has to do with the heart of the home. The family that resides within the walls of the structure.
It hit me tonight that I am missing the point as I try to creat the "perfect" home. It's not achieving the glossy magazine cover look. It boils down to how the heart of our home wraps its arms around us and draws us together. What memories are we building? Are we stretching wide the arms of our home and letting it embrace others? Does our home live and breathe?
Honestly, this wasn't the post I intended to write tonight...it has somewhat taken on a life of its own. As I have written these words from my heart I am moved to stop and think seriously about the "home" I'm creating....the memories I'm leaving with my boys...I truly want our home to embrace them...to love them and give them a sense of peace and restfulness. I'm praying that as I go into the busy holiday season I will stretch myself beyond the need for "perfection" and rest peacefully at the heart of our home.